Introducing the Kohler Numi 2.0: The Smart Shitter

[videogamesm12]

Do you like mindlessly blowing your money on garbage? Do you have an extreme urge to make your house as "smart" as humanly possible without any regards for your own personal safety? Is your life so meaningless and materialistic that you just have to buy the most expensive things known to man to see some form of value in yourself? Do you think your toilet needs to have a built in sound system so you can listen to music while you're doing your business? Well, have I the product for you! Introducing the Kohler Numi 2.0, a smart toilet that lets you give your toilet a haunting ambient aura and blast Scarlet Fire while you take a shit, all for a whopping $13K or (if you want to have it painted black) $16k.

WHY IS THERE A FULL BODY WINDOW IN THE BATHROOM​

This Lego set toilet offers some amazing features that you just cannot pass down, which I'll highlight below:

• Is your shit stinky? Do you think Febreze is for filthy commoner peasants? With the Kohler Numi, never fear. It has a carbon filter that neutralizes odors that you have to take out and probably replace! Wow, amazing!
  
  
• Do you think your toilet needs to look like it's from outer fucking space with the most incomprehensibly blocky and uncomfortable design and a bunch of LEDs but think LED strips are for losers? The Numi features an utterly unergonomic design that is guaranteed to cause your legs to be sore afterwards and bunch of LEDs at the bottom that you can configure with your smartphone.
  
  
• Are you such a music finatic that you just absolutely need to blast Scarlet Fire in the bathroom while you're taking a shit, but think that Bluetooth speakers are for schmucks? The Numi has you covered, featuring a built-in speaker and microphone! Amazing! You have absolutely no privacy here and you will be happy!
  
  
• Want to change your toilet's color or interact with your toilet with your smartphone? What do you mean 'No'? No, you have a smart toilet and you MUST use our app to configure your toilet. No- No! Come back! We'll make it better, I swear!

Just... why? Why does this exist? Clearly some fuckers are buying it because otherwise they would have discontinued it already.

 

[Alco_Rs11]

You overlooked the most important aspect of this: it needs to be plugged into the wall and receive electric power to flush. You know, the core component of a toilet? But don't worry, you can get a battery add-on to ensure your toilet works when there's no power.

I don't get why it exists, but I'm sure some rich asshole has like 5 of them.

 

[riawo]

featuring a built-in speaker and microphone!

and microphone!

are they going to listen to me take a shit or what

 

[videogamesm12]

are they going to listen to me take a shit or what

Yes, then store that data in the cloud so that hackers take it when they breach these fuckers' services in a few years from now. Maybe they'll even train it on AI!

 

[Kazaretski]

inb4 they implement a subscription model to where you otherwise can't flush

 

[videogamesm12]

inb4 they implement a subscription model to where you otherwise can't flush

Fucking genius. You'll have a quota for how many times you can flush the toilet per month and once you exceed that amount, you have to pay an extra $10 per flush for that monthly billing cycle.

 

[Tizz]

Is your shit stinky? Do you think Febreze is for filthy commoner peasants? With the Kohler Numi, never fear. It has a carbon filter that neutralizes odors that you have to take out and probably replace!

Tbh this is the only interesting feature. Instead of breathing shitty aerosol wrapped in chemical perfume it takes it out of the air.
However, I've never had a kitchen extractor hood without an outside vent so I don't know what it'd be like to regularly dispose of a poop filled carbon filter.

 

[Telesphoreo]

Not being able to flush without electricity is absolutely diabolical. Do you need WiFi too? Will you not be able to flush if there's an AWS outage? Will you only have a certain amount of free flushes a month and you have to pay for additional ones?

 

[videogamesm12]

Not being able to flush without electricity is absolutely diabolical. Do you need WiFi too? Will you not be able to flush if there's an AWS outage? Will you only have a certain amount of free flushes a month and you have to pay for additional ones?

Wait until you hear that this piece of shit features integration with fucking Amazon Alexa.

>Numi 2.0 will come equipped with embedded Amazon Alexa for easy voice control to active toilet features as well as Alexa commands such as checking weather, traffic, accessing news, etc.

I wish I was joking.

 

[Alco_Rs11]

Wait until you hear that this piece of shit features integration with fucking Amazon Alexa.

>Numi 2.0 will come equipped with embedded Amazon Alexa for easy voice control to active toilet features as well as Alexa commands such as checking weather, traffic, accessing news, etc.

I wish I was joking.

Since this toilet has a built-in bidet, you can ask alexa to wash and dry your ass.

 

[zrfv]

you will trust the ai shitter and you will be happy

 

[Panther]

 

[windows9x_]

ill stick to the toilets we use